did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize