They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
