Screwed.edu
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
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