Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
