i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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