1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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