I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
