I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize