I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
