Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
