There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
