we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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