It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize