Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
