I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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