White coat. Heels.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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