I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Randomize
