No stitches, just platelets and will power
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
