Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
