next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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