My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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