i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
