It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
