Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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