I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
im holly from the hills drunk
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
