I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
