I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm bleeding and have questions
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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