im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm getting married
To pizza
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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