so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
