We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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