Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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