u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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