Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
