i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
