I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
