1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
