I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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