I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
as a side note pls kill me
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
