You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize