We won't sleep together?
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just cut my nipple shaving
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
false alarm, still single
Randomize
