Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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