so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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