I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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