In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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