i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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