I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize