I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
