I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
