apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
