Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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