i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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