so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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