rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
