yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
