I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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