This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
