I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
