someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
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