I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I need to stop coming to work sober
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
