He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
