Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
