You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
