i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
