The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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