i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
