i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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