Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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