So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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