either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
