I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
