i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
